A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said,
"Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."
God replied, "Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous
challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."
The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "God, I wish that I, and all men, could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy."
God replied: "You want two lanes or four on that bridge...?"
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Things You Never Hear in Church
“Hey! It's MY turn to sit on the front pew!”
“I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went over 25 minutes.”
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The bride was very nervous.
“What if I forget everything on the day.”
Her mother comforted her, “Don’t worry dear. When the church door opens you’ll be able to see the aisle. Focus on that. You walk down the aisle and when you get to the altar you stop. Remember to stop at the altar.
Then the vicar will announce the opening hymn. You won’t forget the hymn. From there on everything is simple. You’ll be fine so long as you can remember those three things.”
The congregation were worried as she walked into the church. Under her breath they could hear her muttering the three words that she was remembering:-
“AISLE
ALTAR
HYMN”
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Q. Who was least pleased to see the prodigal son come home?
A. The Fatted Calf